As I lay here with both children sleeping soundly (yes you read that right, I wouldn’t believe it either, and of course I should be trying to sleep now too because Lord knows I’m exhausted but I just can’t) I’m thinking about how crazy this whole motherhood/parenting/adulting thing is. What a mind game it is to be a parent in 2019 where posting a picture of your child can land you comments that passively tear apart your parenting style. This is going to be a very unpopular opinion, but I also feel like the whole non-toxic/super healthy lifestyle thing is a privilege and I just can’t with it all anymore. Hear me out. I struggled with pretty severe PPD/PPA with my daughter who is now 2.5 years old. I truly feel like being a parent in this social media/non-toxic/ peaceful parenting or whatever you call it, day in age, has exacerbated the pressure and emotions that not only come along with being a new parent but being a parent and struggling with mental illness such as anxiety, depression, etc.
The immense pressure to breastfeed, but God forbid you actually feed your child anywhere but your home so you feel like you can’t leave, yet you are supposed to get out and do things to help with your mood, but don’t do it too soon because they need to be fully vaccinated before being exposed to certain things, yet you shouldn’t vaccinate your children, not let my child CIO, but also not let them co-sleep, work like you don’t have kids, parent like you don’t work, be present for them, yet try to balance getting enough exercise, cooking your family healthy meals that are strictly organic, don’t go into debt but spend a billion dollars on produce and every non-toxic product under the sun to make sure your children don’t grow up to have ADD because of the chemicals you are pumping them with, but don’t let yourself get stressed because that’s toxic too, keep your house clean, keep your marriage alive and make time for your partner, but then make sure you have time for YOU, but not too much time because there is literally not 5 million hours in the day and my God do all this without being on some kind of anti-anxiety medication because God forbid you put anymore toxicity in your life because all that stress and pressure is not enough as it is…..OH AND TRY NOT TO LOSE YOUR FREAKING MIND. I mean common, people are literally starving to death, children are being taken away from their parents, horrible horrible things are going on in our world and you are worried sick about making sure your child isn’t exposed to GMO’s or making sure your water is filtered 100 times?!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that people who have high expectations for themselves and those around them are bad people. Please don’t mistake this as me shaming moms who follow a strict non-toxic lifestyle because there are people who have truly mastered this balance. (I clearly haven’t). Us parents have enough shaming going on. I also think exercise, balanced meals, and being aware of harmful ingredients are important but you can’t kill yourself to keep up with everything!! If anything I wish I could keep one or two things straight in my life for at least a week and I’ve certainly been guilty of trying to portray that I have even the slightest clue of how to juggle all of this BUT IT IS NOT REALISTIC.
I feel like at this point I’m completely rambling and my thoughts are everywhere. Although I’ve been very anxious at times still, as I feel that just comes with being a parent, I’ve realized I’m much more laid back this go around with our new family of 4 (6 including our pups of course) because I’m doing what is best for ME AND MY FAMILY. My husband is gone about 60% of the time (his phone literally recognizes the cities as “home”), I have a toddler and a newborn, I own a business along with working another part-time job, and there is just not enough hours in the day to please everyone.
My daughter still co sleeps a majority of the time,my son spends occasional nights in his (GASP) swing because I am SO EXHAUSTED and he won’t let me set him down, I enjoy nights away from my children to do something for ME and while I’m out you bet I’m going to have a drink and yes I’m breastfeeding , my kitchen is currently maybe 20% organic right now if that , my daughter ate Cheerios for dinner tonight, there are nights where she doesn’t fall asleep until 11, the list goes on, and you know what?! I’m finally ok with all the craziness in my life because THIS IS THE SEASON WE ARE IN.
I feel like I have many more thoughts on all of this and so much more to sort through but I’ll end with this. I’m going to continue to strive for transparency and doing what’s best for me and my family even when the pressure can feel like it’s too much to handle. Stop comparing apples to oranges. You are doing an AMAZING JOB mama….