Hope

“I talk about him not because Im constantly living in pain. I’m not anymore, but in my world, this is my normal and I rather live honestly and out loud. Joy, love, happiness, and gratefulness are my everyday, but so are death, loss, heartache, and grief.”

I got this tattoo in memory of my father, in memory of many chapters of my life. These chapters may be behind me but they will always be a part of me and I will always carry pieces of him with me. Until you lose someone to an invisible illness there is no way for one to comprehend the emotions that follow. The signs you missed or were numb, in denial. The agonizing plea to help but you cant simply fix someone by putting a cast on or stitching them up. I’m not belittling any other type of loss by any means but there is a suffering that comes when you lose someone you feel like you should have/ could have done more for but they are ill to the point where they feel like there is no rebounding, no light at the end of the tunnel. It grieves me to know my daughter will never know her grandfather. I not only grieve the loss of my father but I spent years grieving the loss of who he once was before he became very noticeably ill. That’s the crazy part. I had the best childhood you could ever imagine. I always considered myself a daddy’s girl and my father was definitely a rockstar father in every sense of the word. He believed in me and saw things in me that I didn’t even see in myself. I don’t know if I believe that all things happen for a reason but I believe that I have a Heavenly Father that can give me the strength to get through all things. God is bigger than your demons, your troubles, your illness, your addiction, whatever it may be. That gives me hope🖤

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