Vent

I feel like every time I hop on here it seems like I’m complaining or I just have this super depressing life which is not the case AT ALL.

This has been a healthy place for me to blow off steam, vent, get things off my chest, and put my thoughts somewhere. Which is exactly what I am going to do and be extremely vulnerable while doing it.

Lately I have found myself comparing. It’s like this viscous cycle. I’ll see someone who seemingly has it all together and I constantly feel like I need to “keep up”.

I’m a mother, wife, business owner, employee, and because of my husbands job I am the one doing the whole solo parent thing most of the time. We have a great support system so we make it work. We are an incredible team. Sometimes though, my cup gets FULL and this is one of those weeks it was overflowing.

I felt like I was coming down with something (for the 900th time this year), I felt like i was being bombarded with email, calls, texts, a messy house, a teething baby, two very energetic dogs, and it’s not that it had to be stressful, I just made it stressful because I do that whole comparing thing and I never come out winning when I do either. I’ve been Tired. It’s not so much my body but my mind.

I don’t sleep very well because i feel like I have a million things going through my mind at night whether it be ideas, lists, to-do’s. I just can’t shut it off. I struggle a TON with mom guilt. I’ve been struggling tremendously with self image because I’m not where i was before i had my daughter and for some crazy reason I tell myself that’s not okay and in reality that’s more than ok!!!

It’s ok to accept that you cannot do EVERYTHING. There are not enough hours in the day and you cannot be in 10 different places at once. Sometimes that is hard for me to accept but I’m working on it.

I’m finally doing some things that give me a creative outlet which I have desperately needed. I feel like i have come so far in so many ways yet have stayed stagnant in others.

I am so thankful for the moms around me and people in general that have been vulnerable and just REAL about life lately. I’ve needed it desperately. It’s hard to feel like you are enough in a world of social media and perfect instagrams where people portray the best 10% of their lives.

I’m here to say my house is a D I S A S T E R. My child definitely gets most of her snack times while I’m roaming the isles at target because they give out free bananas lol. My husband does not get a home cooked meal every night. I’m lucky IF I can make it to 2 sessions with my trainer a week and that’s a strong if. I’m thankful for lash extensions and microbladed eyebrows so I can look at least 50% put together for my clients because I typically get about a half hour in the morning and let’s be real, I’m using that time for coffee and some PEACE & QUIET.

I am extremely fortunate though that we have a roof over our head, my family is fed (even if it isn’t home cooks) every night, I have a career I LOVE (even if it means not seeing my daughter as much sometimes and working multiple jobs to make my dreams a reality), and a family that is seriously hands down the most supportive ever. So even when my cup is a little full, I can say with great confidence that my heart is even fuller….

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