Beginning to enjoy Holland

“When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “welcome to Holland.”

“Holland? What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy. I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. You’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible disgusting place. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people that you never would have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy. Less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there a while and you catch your breath… you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. And Holland has tulips. Holland is beautiful.

Everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy. And for the rest of your life you will say, “that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things… about Holland.” – emily perl kingsley

I have had time to breath now. I have had time to learn to grieve in a healthy way. I’m getting a hold of this motherhood thing (kind of). I’m realizing that even in the bad there is beauty, that when I’m feeling down, I have an amazing group of people and a Heavenly Father who lift me up. There are days when I am weak but there are others that have and do face SO much more then I could ever imagine or wrap my head around and they inspire me.

I’m learning to enjoy Holland. I never imagined this is where I would be in my mid twenties. Feeling like I missed part of my daughter’s first year of life, having to lean on my better half, losing my father seemingly sudden and tragic. But here I am. And guess what, life is still beautiful and I have so much to be thankful for.

I am so thankful that I am out of that awful and dark place I was in after having my daughter. I felt like my plain landed in the middle of the ocean and I was drowning. Now I feel like we’ve made it to Holland. We are here and it is beautiful. I have the most beautiful little girl who is absolutely perfect and I know my father would be proud of the person I am today.

So this evening I am going to enjoy a messy house, loads of laundry unfolded, a sink full of dishes, and a VERY FULL HEART watching my daughter and husband play while I wrap up dinner. God is so good….

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