Just breaking the surface…

Adjusting to married life didn’t really feel like much of an adjustment. I love/d our little family (myself, my husband, and our 2 dogs).

I’ve been extremely blessed to always have a roof over my head, education, a job, transportation, and an amazing support system. Not everyone in our world today can say they have these things.

After we got married, I accepted a position in HR at a staffing agency . I was excited about the promise for growth in the company, some normalcy with hours (my other job as a free lance makeup artist did not provide that), and it was only a few miles from my house.

I had not been at the job long when I found out we were pregnant. I was scared, excited, optimistic, and ready to take in this new adventure. I unfortunately suffered a miscarriage. It was hard. So many changes at once and I was being taken on an emotional roller coaster. Exactly one month after miscarrying (we didn’t find out until 2 months after) I was pregnant again. We were shocked. Definitely was not expecting it. I just felt off one day and while I was home on a lunch break I took a pregnancy test and there it was, a big fat positive!! NUTS!!! I was instantly terrified.

All I could think about was everything that could go wrong. I was a wreck. The anxiety took an extreme toll on me and on top of that I had the first trimester exhaustion. I couldn’t keep up with work. We ended up losing 2 office people in that time period and I was taking on more and more of a work load. Things were not going well at work and I ended up putting in my notice when I was 12 weeks pregnant.

We announced the pregnancy and on the outside I was elated. I physically had an amazing pregnancy but on the inside I was miserable. Beyond anxious, depressed, scared of the unknown. I look back and wish I would have enjoyed my pregnancy because physically it was probably the best pregnancy a person could have.

I was beginning to realize that my anxiety and what not was only going to keep getting worse if I did not do something and I didn’t want that to have any negative affect on another human being, especially my own child…..

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