The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go…

November has always been my favorite month. I’ve never looked at January as the beginning of a new year. To me the new year starts in November. Everything is dying. The earth is letting go of the old and preparing for a fresh start. Wedding season ends for me this weekend, along with portrait season. Nobody wants to stand outside in freezing cold weather in Wisconsin for too long, so I get I nice break from the end of November through December. I’m in desperate need of a moment to exhale, but I’m terrified to face the music. I’ve kept myself so busy since my father has passed so that I don’t have to deal with everything this moment. Everything happened so fast after he passed that I have emmense guilt wondering if I handled everything well enough. Should I have written a nice long obituary instead of the short, sweet, and to the point one? Included photographs? Kept more of his belongings? Took more time just sitting in his home soaking in his presence before we cleared everything out? I’ve made myself sick with guilt, what ifs, what could be’s. I’m ready to shed some of this. I’m ready for a fresh start. I’m desperate for a sense of peace. I’m exhausted from my mind running all day. I can’t catch a break. I replay scenarios over and over in my head until I’m numb. Anger has started to settle in. I feel like I’m walking around all day with a million bricks on my shoulder and chest, yet I’m trying to be as present as possible for this stage of life. It’s exhausting. It’s lonely. I’m ready to finally exhale. I’m ready to start shedding some of this….

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