I never imagined that would be the last time…

I closed his laptop after reading the note and have yet to open it again. I check his phone daily thinking that as long as the battery stays alive maybe he still is too. I find myself going to call him and then realize he’s not there…..
Right before we left to head back to Wisconsin I stopped at the place I last saw my father in person. We sat out on a porch and drank coffee at this outdoor outfitters type place with a cafe in it. My husband, my father, and myself sat out there and talked and talked before I hugged my father for the last time and got in the to to the airport to get on a flight back to Wisconsin. 
I just stood there on the porch staring at the table remembering sitting there with my father. Remembering our conversation, his voice, his laugh, everything. I’m so desperate to be sitting there again with him. I wish I would have been more present that week I was there visiting him. I was so caught up in my own world and getting ready for another semester of college, starting a new job when I got back, and just little stupid things that don’t matter. That’s what I’m working on now. Being more present. Making my interactions with people more meaningful. I just wish it didn’t take all of this to make something in me click. 
So now every time I go back, I’ll sit on that porch and have a cup of coffee and remember the last interaction I had in person with my father, making sure the memories never fade…

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