Looking forward to backwards 

Most people look forward to this and that, they move forward in their lives, with their family and jobs.

I’m a lot like most folks in many respects, I guess.  Except when looking forward to this and that, especially things that are of significance or importance.  These things I experience backwards.

Where you find joy in the anticipation; I find only disappointment.  I don’t much of anything until whatever is suppose to happen happens. This is what I mean by thinking backwards.

Case and point:  I am moving into the mania and then into the manic phase of bipolar.  Compared to the major depression I’ve been in for months you would think I’d be happy knowing I’ll be up for a while, however long it lasts.

I’m more concerned now regarding how long the manic phase will last and how awful the depression will be when I come back down.  I’m constantly thinking will I crash this time? I know how bad it has been in the past; will it be like that in the future?  Only time will tell.  Until then, don’t get to excited….

2 thoughts on “Looking forward to backwards 

  1. Gee I went back and read it I’m surprised it made any sense to you. Please tell me what is your thought process? I noticed that you several posts, is there a particular one or two that might help me understand?

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