No Dry Cleaning

Interviewing for a position at a fairly large company, I was wearing a nice black suite with my favorite red print, power-tie.  I was looking good.  I had my portfolio with three copies of my resume, just in case.  I had practiced my answers to various questions and was ready to make things happen.

I showed up, the receptionist informed me it would be a few minutes before the interviewers would be ready to meet.  No problem, I’ll sit here.

In a few minutes she gave me a badge to wear and escorted me down a hallway with beautiful woodwork and polished wood floors.  I was led into a nice boardroom with a big nice wooden table. Very impressive.

These two guys walk in, one was the VP over software applications, the other one was a director of some sort.  We sat down at the table and they welcomed me to the interview. Let’s get started.

The interview went well.  At the end, I did have one question regarding the dress code; what is the dress code here?  “There’s not one,” one of the men replied.  I asked this question because the VP was wearing beach-ware (heading to the lake after the interview) the director was wearing a Harley tee-shirt and jeans.  Wow, was I over dressed.  One of them said, “they had dressed up because I was coming in and he laughed.” Okay then. What did I expect; after all, it’s a software company.  No more dry cleaning for me.

Looking forward to backwards 

Most people look forward to this and that, they move forward in their lives, with their family and jobs.

I’m a lot like most folks in many respects, I guess.  Except when looking forward to this and that, especially things that are of significance or importance.  These things I experience backwards.

Where you find joy in the anticipation; I find only disappointment.  I don’t much of anything until whatever is suppose to happen happens. This is what I mean by thinking backwards.

Case and point:  I am moving into the mania and then into the manic phase of bipolar.  Compared to the major depression I’ve been in for months you would think I’d be happy knowing I’ll be up for a while, however long it lasts.

I’m more concerned now regarding how long the manic phase will last and how awful the depression will be when I come back down.  I’m constantly thinking will I crash this time? I know how bad it has been in the past; will it be like that in the future?  Only time will tell.  Until then, don’t get to excited….

Faking it

Imagine going through life faking almost all emotion and interactions.

Oh sure there are things that move me, causing some level of emotion, but very few.

Seeing my daughter and granddaughter on FaceTime excites me. So far I have only seen my granddaughter on FaceTime, she is seven months old, and 1000 miles away.

During the day, at work, some of the time I can laugh and interact appropriately to the moment. Other times I just pull back, put on my headphones and pour myself into my work.

There are some people at work I find fascinating. I actually enjoy interacting with them.

All public interactions are completely fake. I can smile and say the right things at the right times.

At least in my mind this is how things work, but who knows, I might be the only one I’m fooling.

For now I’ll continue to watch life from a safe distance.

depakote – divalproex

Don’t bother to read this.  It is just a normal list of the typical side effects of a miracle mental illness (or seizures) medication.   On the brightside, I started taking this yesterday; it is now in the mix of evening meds.  Oh joy…

Depakote can cause other serious side effects, including:
Bleeding problems: red or purple spots on your skin, bruising, pain and swelling into your joints due to bleeding or bleeding from your mouth or nose.
High ammonia levels in your blood: feeling tired, vomiting, changes in mental status.
Low body temperature (hypothermia): drop in your body temperature to less than 95º F, feeling tired, confusion, coma.
Allergic (hypersensitivity) reactions: fever, skin rash, hives, sores in your mouth, blistering and peeling of your skin, swelling of your lymph nodes, swelling of your face, eyes, lips, tongue, or throat, trouble swallowing or breathing.
Drowsiness or sleepiness in the elderly. This extreme drowsiness may cause you to eat or drink less than you normally would. Tell your doctor if you are not able to eat or drink as you normally do. Your doctor may start you at a lower dose of Depakote.
Common side effects of Depakote include:
nausea
vomiting
dizziness
double vision
weight gain
problems with walking or coordination
headache
weakness
stomach pain
diarrhea
hair loss
sleepiness
tremor
blurry vision
increased appetite
loss of appetite
Click to view full Prescribing Information, including Medication Guide.
References:
1. Depakote [package insert].
2. Depakote ER [package insert].
3. Depakote Sprinkle Capsules [package insert].